Friends

With my last final on Monday, I should be home in Sidney by Thursday night. I can’t wait to frost gingerbread men with my mom, wrap my small, I’m-a-college-student gifts, and watch The Little Drummer Boy on my Grandma’s couch. I love my dorm Christmas decorations, but seeing a real tree covered with my macaroni ornaments will be wonderful. I look forward to being home for Christmas, but I’m little worried that after five weeks away from Missoula, my new college friends might forget about me.

I have never been the best at making friends. In high school I really only had a few good friends—five to be exact. This first semester I have pushed myself to be more outgoing around new people and make new friends. I’ve shared stories about myself and my family with people because I want to form lasting friendships in college. My mom says that most of her best friends are the ones she met at college. Still, I am afraid of losing the friends I have now when I start next semester. After a long Christmas break, maybe we won’t have much to talk about, or maybe all the friend progress we’ve made will be gone. With the end of the FIG, we won’t be together everyday and maybe won’t have much in common anymore. I haven’t seen my best friend Andrew since August, but I am not worried about us not being friends when I go home. We’ve been friends since middle school, and I know our friendship is deep enough to handle our long separation. But my new college relationships can’t compare to Andrew’s and my relationship. I look forward to being home, but I don’t want to lose all I have established here. So FIG friends, don’t forget about me.

A Quote

I really love quotes and so here is one by Maria Shriver that I think fits with my blog on change and the college experience in general.

"If you feel afraid, that means your alive. That's good. Now use it."

Change

I don’t really like change. I didn’t like leaving my old house when we moved or my Grandma Dolores new couch. I hate that my cousin doesn’t talk to me anymore and that my little cousin Riley is growing up. Coming to college I was a little worried about how things would change. Could I still hold conversations with my friends? Would I lose all the shape I was in without three hour track practices? Although I don't like things to be different, I have to accept change as a part of life. I'd be miserable if I didn't. Reflecting back on my first semester, I realize I have changed. I’m sure there are many changes I haven’t noticed about myself, but here are the ones I recognize:

*Without sports I have gained seven pounds and get winded climbing the stairs to English. Fitness is still a part of my life, however. I run and lift weights at the gym every day. (Except for this week, but it’s busy.)

*I’m better at comprehending Spanish now that my teacher speaks in Spanish for the entire fifty minute class period.

*I still go to youth group each Wednesday and mass on Sundays, but I’m not sure what I believe anymore.

*My reliance is transitioning from my parents to my friends. Since my dad was my high school principal I talked to him everyday about school and friends. Now that I don’t see him everyday I find myself opening up to my friends.

*Here, I have to rely more on myself for support. In my high school, all of the teachers new me and my activities. Because everyone knew me I was constantly receiving support from my community. The day after I pulled my quad in track at least ten teachers asked me how it was doing

*I show more of my true personality to people at college. The majority of the kids in my high school thought I was nerdy and reserved because I acted like that around them. At college I decided I wanted to start being myself from the minute I met people and now feel more comfortable laughing and acting silly around other people. (I do accept that I am a nerd; I’m just not a quiet one.)

*Procrastination has become a part of my life now that I actually have time to waste.

*Being around people with such strong opinions has forced me to decided where I stand on certain issues. I never saw the connection between faith and activism or the crime in shopping at Wal-Mart before.

In Sidney I was sure of who I was and what I was doing. I was the principal’s daughter who ran track, played the clarinet, dressed like Hefty Girl for Speech and Drama, religiously attended youth group, and took all the AP classes. In high school I knew who I was and what I was doing. Now I don’t know if I’ll get cast in the spring shows, and my Ways of Knowing grade is a mystery. I’m not 100% sure of my opinions or life plans. College is scary, and I like that.

Just Say No

Weekends at Jesse Hall are full of alcohol. Weekends at UM in general are full of alcohol. Riding the elevator I inevitably meet a group of girls giggling who smell so strongly of alcohol that even their copious amounts of perfume can’t even mask it. The Sunday morning the elevators and parking lots are littered with Bud light cans and Michelob cardboard boxes. Drinking is such a large part of the social scene at UM that I sometimes wonder why I have made the decision not to drink.

My reasons for not drinking have changed since high school. I played volleyball and ran track during high school and didn’t want to hurt my performance with alcohol. Besides, nothing make me more angry than losing a teammate because she got an MIP, and I didn’t want to be that person. If a person wants to screw themselves up that’s fine, but the minute it affects my performance and my success it’s not ok.

I also wanted to be a good role-model for my younger sister. I was the president of the Trading Card Program, a mentoring program to fourth-grade students about abstinence from drugs and alcohol, my junior and senior year. This program gave me time to talk to my sister and other kids in her grade about how they could still be cool and not use alcohol or drugs. (This was slightly ironic as most of the Trading Card members weren’t popular.)Trading Card also helped me stay away from drugs and alcohol because I had to sign a contract promising not use drugs or alcohol during the school year to be in the program. If I was caught using drugs or alcohol, I would have to explain to each fourth grader who had my card why I had made that decision and take back my card. During my years as President no one in the program had to do this, but it is quite a deterrent for most members.

Of course, the goody-two-shoe in me kept me from doing drinking because it was illegal; I didn’t want to end up in the Police Beat of the papers. I also knew that if I got in trouble with alcohol it would put my dad in a hard position as he was my high school principal. Everyone in Sidney would know that the Mr. Farr’s daughter had gotten an MIP before church on Sunday, and I couldn’t bear the shame that would cause my parents.

However, most of these reasons aren’t really relevant now that I am in college. I’m not playing collegiate sports and my little sister would never know if I went to a kegger. I still am a little wary of breaking the law, but that isn’t what’s keeping me back. The reason I still refuse to drink is that I don’t want to give in. During high school I had very few friends. In middle school I had a huge group of girlfriends, but when high school came and most of them started drinking, I found we didn’t have much in common anymore. When they talked about how trashed they were the night before, I didn’t have anything to add. Before I knew it I was spending every Saturday night watching “Nashville Star” with my parents. Even my best friend slowly quit hanging out with me, to the point where we didn’t say anything more than “hello” my junior year. Because I had decided not to drink in high school I lost most of my friends. If losing most of my friends wasn’t enough, these friends along and other kids started treating me like I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t party with them.

Whenever I was furious at once again being ditched my friends I would rant at my parents, defending my decision. I thought all my friend’s reasons for drinking were pathetic; while there isn’t much to do in Sidney, I didn’t drink for four years of high school and I didn’t die of boredom. I thought it was ridiculous that they started drinking just to get friends. At college, I often think how it easy it would be to just go with my friends when they go out drinking, but my pride stops me. I won’t drink to get friends, because that is the thing I hated the kids at my high school for doing. I would be giving in to everything I had fought against.

So until I’m 21, I’m going to try to keep my sober lifestyle. Hopefully there will be something good on late night television to fill my Friday nights.

P.S. That is my friend Jessica Young's trading card. I took the picture; isn't it cute?